Who Wears Short Shorts?

Dear B-Reader,

I get it. It's hot in Houston right about this time of year. Many of us are sporting shorter outfits in an effort to withstand this intolerable heat. But come on, man! Be a man and wear some properly-fitting pants!

By 12noon today my eyes were severely traumatized by the vision of two separate gentlemen trotting about the 610 Loop area of Houston in improper attire. Below is an account of the crimes committed against humanity.

The first one was witnessed in a prestigious Texas Medical Center professional building. In disgustingly short khaki shorts, Dr. Hot Crossed Buns strutted a purposeful walk that screamed, "I'm a doctor. Get out of my way! I'm late to my 9:00AM tee time." And as if the shorts were not enough to draw negative attention to him, he, a doctor who should know better, was entirely too tan for any human being. Dr. Hot Crossed Buns, I'm betting that you don't have a teenage daughter at home -- because if you did, and if she saw your overly tanned pair of buns in those Daisy Dukes, I am certain she would have demanded that you march upstairs and change into something respectable before leaving the house.

The second crime scene was at an unassuming corner Starbucks in Rice Village nearby my office. On your drive home down Kirby Drive this evening, look out for the chalk print impression of this second fashion victim -- Agent Growth Spurt. Agent Growth Spurt hopped out of his pristine white insurance company car. In a great rush to infuse himself with his caffeine fix, he jogged across the parking lot, long jumped through the drive through lane, and spun into the side door of the java establishment. You would have thought the pavement was coated with a thick blanket of sticky, black tar. It could have been, and he would have been prepared to not get his freshly laundered pants dirty. "Why?" you ask me, B-Reader. Because his khaki chinos were two sizes too short in the length. He reminded me of a little kid whose parents have been unable to make it to the department store between growth spurts. Or maybe he washed the chinos in hot water and dried them out in the afternoon sun? Regardless, Agent Growth Spurt, you are a professional, obviously out and about between professional appointments. You should dress like a professional and not like a 12-year-old boy.

Now, I must end my ranting here. I have a 4:00 Fashion Police Committee Meeting to host. What ever shall I wear?