My husband, Jeff, and I are what people of our parents' generation affectionately call DINK's (Dual-Income No Kids). If you've been following the goings-on of my real life, then you know that I'm a first-time, expecting auntie. With no human babies of my own (I have plenty of animal babies), I am geared up and ready to spoil the little one rotten! And, now that Jeff and I are entering a new phase of our life, there are new terms to describe us: PANK and PUNK (Professional Aunt/Uncle No Kids, term by Savvy Auntie founder Melanie Notkin http://www.savvyauntie.com).
Jeff and I love children. In fact, several of you, B-Reader, have graciously allowed us to partake in the lives of your sons and daughters in attending ballet recitals, sporting events, birthday parties, lemonade stands, etc. You have likely attended one of our Egg Hunt Parties designed especially for the kids. Although we ourselves are childless, as a PANK and a PUNK, we have a lifestyle full of the special humor and love that come with children.
However, there is a time and place for everything and everyone. The giggle of a small child is adorable when one is at a restaurant at lunchtime and the dessert tray passes by (shout out to Marissa). However, the kicking of the backside of the booth by little feet at a 9:00PM dinner is not what I ordered off of the menu. The choral-like singing of the 20th Century Fox theme song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7GE_HMZxa0) before the latest kids' film is my favorite part of my movie-going experience. But shouting in the middle of a museum collection is disturbing to both me and the statues. And that teeny, tiny, little kiss and ginormous bear hug from a child (Cooper, Lucas, Avery, Gabi) upon opening their holiday present is what I look forward to the most at that time of year. The polite "I'll have one, thank you" from heart-throb Maverick (Top Gun; Dylan) when reaching for Halloween candy is a treat! Yet, the grabbing of every item off of a shelf accompanied by what seems to be a requisite temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery aisle is not my ideal image of a child.
There is a new movement underway, the No Kids Allowed Movement http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-no-kids-allowed-movement-is-spreading-2516110/, which some of my readers who are parents will consider to be anti-child. Please, I am asking that you contemplate a different perspective when pondering this concept. The movement can be considered pro-child in the right setting. If you would like to know my opinion, it is this: Children have their time and place, and the time is not always and the place is not everywhere. They are welcome additions to many of life's activities and should not be banned completely from every venue; how else will they learn to grow to be adults in these situations? However, they and their parents or adult chaperones in these situations must be aware of their surroundings and act appropriately and politely.
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. - Emily Post
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Interesting. I agree that there is a time, a place, and a purpose for everything. Sometimes the line is hard to find, though. I'll have to think about what you said. : )
ReplyDeleteChildren will never learn how to act appropriately in public if you never allow them to be in public. Have you read that article that you linked in here? There are people even trying to ban kids from being outside.. Seriously? Kids need to be in these places and when something happens the parents should simply take their child outside until they calm down! You can't expect them to know how to behave in public if they are never given a chance to go out in public. If you see a child with their parent acting out and being a loud and obnoxious then just ask the parent to do something about it. But don't tell people they can't take their kids out, or that they can't have them on planes, in hotels, or even in the outdoors spaces of condos. Everyone is entitled to go out and have a good time with their family and just because I have my nieces with me, I have no children of my own because I am too young, I will not take them to places you deem child appropriate, I have the right to take them to any restaurant I want if they are willing to eat the food that is served there.
ReplyDeleteHiya.. mom of two chiming in. Before proceeding, my boys are, of course, angels. BUT they have their moments. They are ages two and 1, so what would you expect? I see both sides of the issue. I absolutely see why people would want to ban children. I sometimes want to ban my own kids from my own house. When they cry, fuss, scream, are overly rowdy and rambunctious... it can be hard to tolerate. And it's WAY harder when it's not your own kid. So I get it. I also see the other side. I hate the thought of not being able to take my ANGELS out in public places - inside, outside, or otherwise. But that's the sticker. I want to take my angels and leave my demons. Unfortunately, I can't predict which I'll get for the day. I think we should (kinda) think of it like cell phone bans in public places. We put the signs up and hope somebody's obnoxious ringtone isn't going to disturb our dinner, movie, class, fill-in-the-blank event and go about our business. It's not that we're banning phones, per se... it's that we're banning RINGING phones. (For the most part... I know it stinks when you're in a movie theater and the light of a cell phone distracts you... but work with me on this metaphor.) We glare at people with ringing phones in certain places. The person with the phone either silences it or leaves to take the call. You can either silence your kids (humanely, hopefully... I find that even my 2-year old gets what a soft "shhh" means) or remove the kid (aka leave). In cases where you absolutely, without a doubt, don't want an accidental ring from a phone, you turn it off or put it on silent. You can do this with kids, too. I call it a babysitter. So, I agree... there are times and places for the kiddos... but a complete ban isn't what should happen. Instead, I think manners need to be reinstated. Parents should be willing to immediately leave a place if their kids get unruly. That'll teach 'em. (Pro tip: when my husband go out to eat with both boys, we immediately ask for the check and warn the server to be ready with to-go boxes in case we need to leave in a hurry... there have been several times we left before one of us barely started our dinner, but that's the way it goes...)
ReplyDeleteCatherine, Anonymous, and Satoris, thank you all for your comments and for considering this other perspective.
ReplyDeleteGodmother Tori, your comments in particular are the ones which I agree with the most from my readings on this subject. Well said about treating this situation similarly to the way that we treat cell phones. As always, you are wise beyond your years...your two boys are lucky to have you as their momma. Miss you!
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